Walk

Think of summer, think of shoes and you think of flip flops (thongs as I used to call them) right? That's what I used to think too; I have a whole pile of flip flops in many different colors and styles. This past summer a different pair of shoes was thrust upon my feet. I wish that this Cinderella could say that they didn't fit but they did. They were (and still are) the shoes of severe depression. And so I walked in them. These shoes that I thought I'd never, ever wear. These shoes that I had judged others I had seen wearing. I had thought that the people who were wearing these shoes were doing it as a choice. I thought it was an excuse to be moody. I thought that people could just take them off. I. I had thought they were just being babyish or overly emotional. I had made so many wrong presumptions........I had never tried to imagine what it was like to be the people wearing these shoes with all of their fears and anxieties, pasts and prides. People in uncomfortable shoes who would sure as heck rather be wearing the shoes of love and peace and joy. Think of it as the difference between steel toed boots and flip flops.

I guess it's easy to feel for someone when they are going through the good stuff in life. Weddings, new babies......... We feel happy for and with the person because happiness is an easy and likable emotion to feel. But not the hard stuff. Grief, illness, depression; all bad emotions that we, as people who try to avoid pain, don't want to feel. Who wants to put on these shoes? Except for the days that we're forced to........

Some day I'll get up the courage to post a list I found on another site about what that particular person learned from having depression. How it made them better. For now, I'm just toying with the idea that it COULD make me better. It COULD give me more compassion; more understanding, more wisdom, make me less judging, more loving. Turns out that wearing these shoes takes a lot of learning. The mere act of waling or moving forward while battling depression is a learned skill. I've also learned from them. I learned what it was like to deal with depression and all that entails. What it feels like to be in the depths of despair. What self loathing feels like. What isolation feels like. What anxiety feels like. There are some things that you truly can't understand unless you've been there, until you've walked in these shoes.

Walk a mile in my shoes. Be me. Try to see things from my perspective. Try to understand what it's like to ------ It's not just an excuse it's a plea for understanding. It's a plea for compassion and unconditional love, for listening and sympathy. For space to make mistakes, for hugs and reassurance.
　
Until 5 minutes ago I didn't know that "Walk a Mile in my Shoes" was a song. (Maybe I did but not this version?) What a song it is! I like Elvis's version the best http://www.bing.com/videos/watch/video/elvis-presley-walk-a-mile-in-my-shoes-2-18-70/DED4B792DF7B7F103C4DDED4B792DF7B7F103C4D and Coldcuts version is also good:http://www.bing.com/videos/watch/video/coldcut-walk-a-mile-in-my-shoes/D43792783BC6CA069501D43792783BC6CA069501
　
I like the song so much I had to look up the lyrics
"Walk A Mile In My Shoes" (As recorded by Joe South) JOE SOUTH

If I could be you and you could be me for just one hour
If we could find a way to get inside each other's mind
If you could see me through your eyes instead of your ego
I believe you'd be surprised to see that you'd been blind.

Walk a mile in my shoes, walk a mile in my shoes
And before you abuse, criticize and accuse
Walk a mile in my shoes.

Now your whole world you see around you is just a reflection
And the law of common says you reap just what you sow
So unless you've lived a life of total perfection
You'd better be careful of every stone that you throw.

Walk a mile in my shoes, walk a mile in my shoes
And before you abuse, criticize and accuse
Walk a mile in my shoes.

And yet we spend the day throwing stones at one another
'Cause I don't think or wear my hair the same way you do
Well I may be common people but I'm your brother
And when you strike out and try to hurt me its a-hurtin' you.

Walk a mile in my shoes, walk a mile in my shoes
And before you abuse, criticize and accuse
Walk a mile in my shoes.

There are people on reservations and out in the ghettos
And brother there but for the grace of God go you and I
If I only had the wings of a little angel
Don't you know I'd fly to the top of the mountain, and then I'd cry.

Walk a mile in my shoes, walk a mile in my shoes
And before you abuse, criticize and accuse
Walk a mile in my shoes, shoes.
(c) Copyright 1969 by Lowery Music Co., Inc. - SONG HITS, Summer 1974.

This morning when I Googled "walk a mile in my shoes" I accidentally typed in "walk a mile in HER shoes." and came up with this result: http://walkamileinhershoes.org/ What you're looking at is a fund raiser/awareness campaign where men walk 1 mile in women's high heels to raise awareness of rape, sexual assault and gender violence. Why is that such a great find for me? Why do I think it's the coolest thing I've seen in a while? Because 11 years ago somebody I loved was killed by her husband. It ended a marriage filled with violence. In all of the stuff that I had to sort through in my head I struggled with the question of why she didn't leave him years earlier. I judged her quite severely for not getting out, getting safe and pressing charges against him. All so easy for me to say. Easy because I wasn't in her shoes.

So what if the lesson for me isn't that walking a mile in someones doesn't just pertain to depression or whatever I'm going through but ALL of life's circumstances? What if the lesson isn't just don't judge unless you've been there, but don't judge at all? There are days when we need to be very glad that some shoes don't fit us and sad that some shoes exist.