When more is more

I want to start with something a friend of mine said yesterday about how hard it is to find ways for teenagers to give and I whole heatedly agree.   We kind of ran into the problem of meaning full volunteer work with the youth group.  They like the idea of a service opportunity at a group home for special needs kids that the church supports.  Problem is that there aren't that many opportunities for them to interact with the residents there.  Lots to be done but but not that much with the people.  It seems that I've ran into the same problem with hospice and teen moms.  Maybe it's because of the specialized level of care that patients/residents need, or maybe it's because of all the rules that I'm sure are put into place for their or our protection but there isn't a lot for unskilled workers to do.  I understand that there are no small parts only small players and that pulling weeds and stuffing envelopes are important jobs but I think that people sign up with these organizations because they're looking for face time, personal contact with a specific group of people. 

But I digress as always.  My kids have a bad case of the "gimmes" or more accurately the "iwantthats."  Typical, normal I'm sure. To them Christmas isn't about what you give it's about what you get. I'd like to change that.  Wouldn't we all?   Like all parents I want my kids to understand the true meaning of Christmas and not just the Mary and Joseph and baby Jesus version either.  These are pastors kids, Sunday school scholars who at age 4 ask "how old is God?"  They've got the story down.  But as with most things in church, I don't think they understand the "so what" of it.  That baby in the manger wants us to love one another.  THAT'S what Christmas is about. Can I tell that to the 5 billion toy commercials they've seen before Halloween alone?  No.  Christmas to my kids is about "MORE".  And therein lies the conflict.   As I try to align my own actions with my values the words "less" and "simplify" become more and more important (says I as I clutch my ipad).  It's not only that we need less stuff because we really DO need less stuff, but we also need to desire less.  Be content with what we have and therefore more peaceful.  My kids are pretty much sure that what will bring them contentment and peace is a new gaming system.  Join me in the next few days as I work through that.  Or should I say join me in the next 10 years..........? 

Now we are playing.  The other night the boys and I went to McDonalds in our pjs then came home and had a picnic on the living room floor.  N spilled chocolate milk on the carpet and that reminded me of why we don't do this more often.  I realized that maybe play is as easy as doing ordinary things in extraordinary ways?  Like spirit week at school or camp.  Is everything more fun if you're doing it backwards?  Maybe the point is that play doesn't have to be some elaborate planned thing.  Maybe the joy is in the spontaneity and simpleness of it.  However I'll also point out that my elf plans are getting more and more elaborate, as of yesterday they included having them arrive on a herd of pink hippos.  But the real thing with the elves is that I want them to challenge my boys to be more kind.  I was inspired by a blog about a family that counted down the days until Christmas by doing random acts of kindness; cool stuff like leaving quarters taped to candy machines and candy canes taped to ATMs.  Kindness instead of the chocolate advent calendar thing or instead of all the very cute looking calendars on Pinterest.  And this brings up what I really want to talk about:  Good works/service opportunities and Christmas.  I want to teach my kids to give and to serve.  Maybe my kids are just the proxy for me.  Not maybe, I "know" they are.  It's my own restlessness, my own wanting to think outside the box, get outside my comfort zone and DO stuff for others.  We are church shopping again.  It seems to be an annual tradition here, some people go Black Friday shopping we go church shopping.  On our list of things we're looking for (yes, I know we're never going to find a perfect church, we're not expecting to and NO we're not leaving our current churches because they're not perfect) is a church that has regular, church based service opportunities.  Not para ministries that operate out of the church but actual ministries of the church.  And yes, I am very, very, very, well aware that I don't need a ministry of the church to do good works.  I know that, and I think I'm finally willing to act on it.  I have stuff lined up on Volunteer Match as we speak.  But I don't just want the easy stuff.  Operation Christmas Child; easy.  I should know we threw a whole party for it a year ago.  Getting my kids to donate their used toys to a charity is easy.  It's easy to give away stuff when you know that you're getting something better.  I think the last time around I told you the story of grandma asking her daughter to give up new toys; that's my harder.  No, we're not going to do that but it brings up the point of sacrificial giving.  What my husband calls the "doctrine of the lesser good."  Donating used toys is an example of doing stuff that makes US feel good but it's an easy out.  I want to challenge my kids and myself to do really good things.  Things that may be uncomfortable for them, may be messy but things that really..........I don't want to say make a difference or matter but........  So I'm praying that God directs us to what he wants us to do    Annnnnnnnd at the same time I want my kids to understand the importance of little things you don't have to do big things to make a difference in peoples lives.  I want to teach them to never underestimate the importance of a kind word.  I want them to see how good manners are a form of kindness, so is sharing.  Can small things be done sacrificially?  Stay tuned! 

Give me away

So like I said, there were these deaths and they shook me on a couple of levels.  I'm not sure what it was about these ones........  Quite obviously not my first dealings with death.  Not on a personal or professional level.  It's not my first time experiencing a bunch of deaths in a short time.   Nor is it the intimacy of the relationships, I've lost a parent and a child so there's nothing unique about that either.  Maybe it's that I'll turn the "F" word next year.  But something has made me consider my own mortality.  Hospice would say that's pretty normal given the circumstances.  The question isn't so much the grief, but how do we respond to it.  A life lesson actually.  It's not what happens to us that matters but what we do with it, how we respond to it.  And honestly, I haven't been so great at responding to the things that have happened to me.  But this new found awareness of my own immortality teaches me that things can change in a minute.  They often do.  But there is time to change things.  And tomorrow I'll talk about what changes I'd like to make and how those pesky elves fit in to the plan.  But for today I want to share a poem about giving love away.  It's from the Second Helping of Chicken Soup of the Soul.  Back in the day when there was only 2 books.  Random piece of trivia is that there are now over 105 different titles.  Anyways, someone gave me the book as my mom was dying.  I used the poem at her funeral.  It comforted me.  Later in a grief support group I would hear the same question "what do you do with the love?"  I forgot all about the poem until Dick died.  I wanted to quote it but the version on line isn't the same.  Do you know how hard it is to track down one specific book of those 105 Chicken Soup books when you're not even sure you're looking for the right one?  I found the right book on my shelf yesterday.  Funny, I thought I'd given most of them away. 

THE LEGACY

When I die, give what is left of me to children.
If you need to cry, cry for your brothers walking beside you.
Put your arms around anyone and give them what you need to give me.
I want to leave you with something, something that is better than words or sounds.
Look for me in the people I have known and loved.
And if you cannot live without me, then let me live on in your eyes, your mind and your acts of kindness.
You can love me most by letting hands touch hands and letting go of children that need to be free.
Love does not die, people do.
So when all that is left of me is love...
Give me away....

That ladies and gentlemen is the poem of the year.  If I designed sympathy cards that's what I would write.  Love does not die, people do.  So when all that is left of me is love, give me away.

In praise of play

Are you tired of me talking about elves yet?  The physical profile of the elf/elves?  I think there's going to be 3 are taking shape.  Sometime in the spring I bought 12 clear glass bottles for crafting use.  Small, classic bottle shape.  Thinking of using them because I like the idea of clear and therefore invisibility.  Also I can put tiny things in them.  The ninja bowling set I made last year used all sorts of cylinder food containers.  From oatmeal to lemonade packaging.  Covered in duck tape.  These ones I think I'm just going to do black felt hats.  Thinking each elf needs a personal Christmas symbol representing their own ninja power.  Gawn Gawn (T's babyhood word for candy) will bring sweetness.  Sometimes just sweets but other times challenge the boys to add sweetness to the lives of others.  Snippy, the scissors guy will cut things out.  Challenge the boys to cut out excess noise or arguing but also cut out the occasional rule.  Shiny and his star will encourage the boys to do something to shine brightly or bring shining moments, special events to the Christmas season.  Working on dossiers for them all.  Found Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle profiles on line that I can build from.  Also saw some great ideas filed under "spy parties."  What appealed to me about the whole elf on a shelf idea is that in some houses the don't just SIT on shelves, they PLAY.  They create all kinds of mischief.  I've seen elves fishing in a box of goldfish crackers, making snow angels from salt, riding in Barbie jeeps etc.  Well if you know me you know how quickly those ideas captured my imagination.  As I think of what my family needs this Christmas (which is very, very little.  In fact the lists of what we DON"T need are longer than what we do) I realized that we need more play!  We need to have more spontaneous fun!  I sit in MOPS classes and hear all about how kids need structure and routine.  Annnnnnnd I hear that.......  But I'm quite sure that what my family needs is more fun.  Maybe you can have fun and structure at the same time and I'm not talking about living in chaos for a whole month (well we always live in chaos but that's different)  but I do want more unstructured imagined magic.   Maybe it's just me realizing I need to let go of  control of stuff  and I'll talk about that tomorrow.  But for now we need fun.  Fortunately I grew up in a very fun house.  One of my dads many great qualities is that he knows how to play.  Growing us an an only child I don't think I was that lonely because I had a built in play mate.  My dad always engaged and encouraged my imagination.  The older I got the more he played.  Maybe it was a grief coping skill I don't know.  But I distinctly remember waking up in my mid 20s to find that every stuffed animal in the house had a poker party the night before.   You never knew where toys were going to pop up in our house and what they'd be doing next.  A stuffed bunny taped to a cutting board with the threat of dinner.  Notes, notes, notes.  Jokes on lunch bags.  Funny cartoons tucked into things.  Missing things showing up in odd places.   I remember photocopying teddy bear bums and titling it "a picture of our bear bums."  My  mom was in on that one (although I think one of her friends balked at it.)  I'm guessing it's my dads love of play that attracted my mom to him.  Honestly I don't think I've done enough of that type of stuff with my kids and I really regret it  It was a big part of my childhood and I had an incredible role model to show me how.   So onward with the elves! 

Presenting: NINJA ELF

So the story goes that you get this elf who flies back to the North Pole every night to report to Santa on your behavior that day.  A little bit of further research shows that in some houses the elf does more than just sit on a shelf and watch you.  I'll get to that part probably tomorrow.  But I got to thinking about elves.  Like I said some of my best friends have been elves.  Elves are traditionally red and green.  I like tradition.  I know how important it is.  But what I REALLY like is non traditional traditions.  In my moms family the traditional Christmas Eve dinner was hot dogs.  Seems that my mom and her sister were hairdressers and didn't close up shop until late on Christmas Eve.  Much too late for a traditional dinner; so the new tradition of hot dogs began.  It also seems to me that the year hot dogs weren't served chaos erupted.  But I'm also a big believer, delighter in fact of all things mixed up.  Twisted fairy tales?  I'm good with that.  In my opinion you can do anything you want to Shakespeare; from DiCaprio's version to gnomes; it's all good to me.  When I was a teenager I told my mom that someone should do a modern retelling of the nativity story.  Have Joseph and Mary arrive at a Motel 6 in a broken down Volkswagen bus.  My mom thought that it was blasphemous.  Last year when a  pastor tried to shorten advent by a week my husband almost revolted.  But other than that I'm good with switching around characters, settings and time lines.  So yes, elves are cute.  Elves go with Christmas.  But my boys REALLY like ninjas (or "injas" as N calls them.)  My friend Staci's daughters also love ninjas (and the fact that they do makes them the coolest girls on earth.)  So I found a picture of a Darth Vader fairy princess on line.  She had a pink tutu, pink chest shield, black Darth Vader helmet, pink tiara and pink light sabre.  And that REALLY got me to thinking..........  If Darth Vader can go pink, can elves go high tech?  Could there be special op ninja elves at the North Pole who are Santa's secret spies?  Sent TO  only the most special of kids to hand out secret missions?  Ooooooooooh you bet there could be!  Like I said, I'll tell you later exactly what the ninja elves are going to do.  For now though I'm working on a ninja elf profile.  Trying to figure out how to blend the two myths (or are they myths?)  Need to think a bit more.  Also think how to craft one.  Right now I've got my eye on a bottle of Country Time Lemonade that nobody is going to use anyways.  Do ninja elves wear red fuzzy sweaters?  Stay tuned.

So about the elf............

So about the elf...........  Google "elf on the shelf."  What you'll find is a new tradition.  Based on a 2005 book by Carol Aeberold and Chanda Bell  that answers the question of how does Santa know if you've been bad or good?  We know from songs that he sees you when you're sleeping, he knows when you're awake...  But HOW does he know?   I dunno what I thought when I was a kid.  Not knowing was part of the magic.  And being threatened that Santa was watching and that I'd better be good for goodness sake was a very real, very effective threat.   In my house it's only a few days after Halloween and I'm already wondering if it's too early to start that threats.   It turns out that Santa knows how you're behaving because his elves tell him.  Some elves are his secret spies (that's where my ninja idea comes from and I'll get to that in a few days.)   Your elf on a shelf who you adopt and get to name  comes to live in your house right after American Thanksgiving (which to Canadians would seem like some random day.  Otherwise known as "the day after the parade day."  Or "the day the Americans get the good shopping deals and we have to wait until Boxing Day for them and that doesn't seem fair."  If you're an American reading this go Google Boxing Day)   to see if you've been bad or good.  Then he flies  back to the North Pole each night and reports to Santa.  I haven't read the $25.00 book myself, (now available as a girl and with a video)  but from the 86,000,000 entries on the internet that's what I gather.  I like elfs.  I used to be their boss.  Some of you may remember that back in the day I worked as the set supervisor for the Santa set at the local mall.  I was Mrs. Claus and I used to be in charge of hiring elves.  It turns out that good elves are hard to find.  Much bettter to audition them than to interview them.  So I guess I'm into elves.  Or if not "into" then at least I have an appreciation for elves.  How many right minded moms can say that??????????

I'm baaaaaaaaaack! Did you miss me? Yeah probably not and that's ok. So I have this idea. I would like to rush right in and tell you it's about a ninja elf that I sort of saw on Pinterest who challenges the boys to do good works at Christmas time. Buuuuuuuuuuuuuuttttttttttttttt............. Honestly it starts with grief (as a lot of stories do.) A few months ago I lost 6 loved ones in the space of about 8 weeks. Earlier this spring my husband lost his uncle and grandpa within 1 week of each other. But about MY loss (because MY loss is always more important than your loss right? Oooooh how many times I've thought or heard that.) Maybe I'll come back and tell you stories about the people I've lost this fall. There was a favorite first aid mentor who taught me a lot about life and first aid. A beloved uncle who I still can't believe is gone. There's the sister of my may-as-well-be-grandma who once gave me a fabulous tour of Victoria. My husbands grandma who I never met but wished I did. There was the 15 year old son of a friend. That death freaked me out! And then there was a friend who as much as I would have loved to have gone to her funeral I didn't because I'm still at war with her family. So I cried. And cried. Cried out of frustration that I couldn't get home to go to the funerals. Cried out of fear that if a friends son could die in his sleep could mine? Cried out of frustration. I began to realize that life is too short for stuff and not just the physical stuff. Maybe I know that anyways but......... The morning that I sat down to facebook and tried to peice together exactly what had happened to my friends family, and then realized in horror what had; my shock was interupted by news of D's grandma passing. You know what the headline story on facebook that day was? Facebook had changed their format and most of you reading this (present company excluded Staci) were outraged. I remember thinking "have a little perspective here people, you are inconvienced not troubled. It is only facebook. And so it began. I don't think I'm looking for meaning, I think I'm trying to simplify, trying to get back to what really matters. When Dick died I shared a very old country music video by Billy Dean called "Only here for a little while. That's what matters. I guess this doesn't tell you anything about my plans for a ninja elf but I'll tell you more in my next instalment of...........