More about moving on.
More about letting things go too easily. And more wondering if that scares me. What are the costs? What does that say about us as a society? Who suffers when we give up on things?
We're having company on Sunday and I'm on a cleaning kick. It's a rare thing so just go with it. I decided to wash the shower curtain liner. Sometimes I have washed them and other times I have bought new. This time I saw an article in a magazine about how you just soak it in the washing machine with some vinegar, wash as usual and away you go. Yes! Away you go to Walmart to buy a new one because that one somehow dissolved in the washing machine!
The decision about whether to fix something myself or buy a new one is usually pretty hard for me and for the most part decisions just aren't. I think because decisions like that involve money and guilt both of which I'm bad at. For the most part I'm cheap; cheap is trendy now so that's good. And it's real good because as a one income family we have to be cheap. So with the shower curtain it made sense to try to wash it myself rather than buy a new one. But then there's the time factor and time really is money. Ok, so the shower curtain sat in the machine for a couple of hours and it didn't really cost me much time so it's a bad example. But last year when we moved we bought new burner pans rather than clean them ourselves time was money because we were short on time and those suckers were black. Cheapo replacement pans were cheap. This week I've thrown away 3 pairs of Mr. Moose's jeans because they had holes in the knees. I'm sure that fixing them with an iron on patch would only have taken a few minutes, unless you count the time it would have taken me to find the ironing board...... I don't think my boys have ever seen me iron and wouldn't know what to do with an ironing board unless it was to use as a surf board and slide down the stairs. The guilt comes in when I start to think that if I were a good mommy I would patch those jeans. My Huggyband would disagree with that one because he views anything homemade as being of less quality, so to keep his pride in tact he would have thrown them out too. Thanks to the world's best thrift shop, kids clothes are cheap and easily replaceable so tossing the jeans was a fairly easy thing. Replacing the shower curtain became a necessity. For the most part given the choice between cleaning and fixing or replacing we almost always choose the later. Unless of course it's computers or cars because my Huggyband is gifted with them and for that I am grateful.
Everybody has their own decision making process about what gets fixed and what gets tossed. I remember a lady who scandalized the parenting boards that I read by admitting that she'd rather throw out leftover dinner, Tupperware and all, if it got nasty in the fridge rather than empty it and wash it. The more I think about it the more I think that we place pride and value on fixing something and not to do so brings guilt. I'm becoming less and less tolerant of guilt but I'm about to show you that some things shouldn't be given up on or thrown away.
The shower curtain is an example of life in a disposable society. Turns out that most products these days aren't meant to last. The example given in this article http://www.investopedia.com/articles/pf/07/disposablesociety.asp
is of stait razors and disposable diapers. They were built to last and you bought them once and used them forever. No need for upgrades. Goods that last benefit the consumer but are bad for the companies that made them. What you are supposed to do now is have is products that come with planned obsolescence. Stuff that either constantly wears out like ink cartridges or stuff that constantly has new and improved styles like video games and cell phones.
The problem with stuff that doesn't last is that replacing it is a nuisance. In my house anything that requires batteries falls into that category. It should be easy to have as stockpile of them or to get the rechargeable ones but it isn't. Same with the ink cartridges and water filters and a whole bunch of things that are cluttering my junk drawer because I don't have the time and energy to find replacement parts. Maybe that's the key, maybe it's just easier to buy a whole new thing rather than replace the parts.
Besides, some of the new stuff just doesn't work as well as the old. I have a friend who recently bought a fancy dancy new washer and dryer that apparently doesn't get things nearly as clean as the trusty, rusty Maytag of days gone by. I have another friend who came and drooled over my 20 year old microwave that still works. It's huge and not energy efficient but J tells me to enjoy it while I can because the new ones don't work as well. Do we long for things like that? Buy it once and you've got it for life?
Or are we as a society more like my sister in law who constantly upgrades her cell phone for the latest and greatest design. If it's broken or she's just bored with it out it goes. Advertising has taught her that new is good and old isn't. Our values have taught her that forward motion is a good thing. We wouldn't want to stay still would we? What are you still doing with that old thing? You want to be cool don't you? In our house I recycle what I can and donate what I can't but the truth is that the minute something starts to not perform well for me (like the can opener which I'm sure was an easy fix), out it goes. And that kind of scares me. Now I'm going to make this huge leap and connect my can opener to relationships, and I'll ask you to leap with me.
I guess what I'm wondering and fearing is if the whole "consumerism" thing goes for relationships as well? Do we throw them away and move on to something better a little too easily? Are we afraid of the time and work involved in fixing them? Do we think it's our right and for the better if we move onward and upward? If I gave up on the burner pans and can opener easily without any work to repair them then have I done that with relationships?
I almost gave up on my marriage this summer when it got hard. Was I thinking that I could just throw it away because it wasn't working well for me? Was I thinking that the idea of being single seemed more stylish and appealing and new? I was thinking that my marriage wasn't filling my needs. I didn't want to fix it. I wanted to throw it away. Commitment. Good old fashioned stick-to-itness. If I give up on the can opener I can always get a new one. If I give up on my marriage..................
Recently a group of friends gave up on me when being my friend required a lot of work. Giving up on and giving away are the same things. Just as walking away and getting rid are the same things. I was abandoned and not for the first time in my life. I'm sure as I move into the area of bereavement counselling I'll discover proof of what I already suspect; that grief, whether from death of a loved one or divorce brings on the loss of not only the loved one but of friends as well. Unconditional love: loving when something requires you to work. Not just work but to work hard, to sweat or even to sacrifice. Unconditional love; loving someone when they're at their worst. When they hurt you, when they need you. Shower curtains are disposable relationships aren't.
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