"Be kinder than necessary because everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle." The first part of that quote is attributed to J. M. Barrie of "Peter Pan" fame.
The idea of being kinder than necessary is something we should all be doing all the time anyways. The unknown battle part resonates with me these days even more. I'm battling depression these days. Most days it and I just co-exist and it doesn't bother me; but lately has been. I'm not sure that I like the word "battle" as that implies that I'm doing something active against it, which I'm not, when it comes I usually just surrender to it. Maybe I prefer the word "flare." As in "please be gentle with me today my depression is having a flare/my depression/the depression is flaring?"
I'm sure that medical sociology would tell you that there are visible and invisible ailments. Some things are obvious to see and get sympathy others aren't. I know a guy who fell off the top of a silo (I'm not even sure I know what a silo is, but I know he fell a long way and lived to tell the tale.) He was in a full body brace and everyone knew to be gentle with him. I get up every day (getting dressed is a different matter but that's another blog for another day), get the kids fed and dressed and for the most part function well. Except for the times that I burst out of meetings because I feel that people are being unfair to me. Except for the times I cry for an hour straight over a slight that nobody agrees is offensive. Except for the times I blame myself for everything that's wrong in the world........ I need people to constantly remember that when they're dealing with me. Not that I'm using it as an excuse but I need it taken into consideration. Or at the very least people need to be warned. At my worst I need a sticker that says "Warning! Does not play well with others," or "Contents under pressure may explode!"
On the outside I'm a strong, usually happy, mother of 3 with a great life. But on the inside I'm a mess (aren't we all?) On the inside I'm fragile. One of my friends said that she wishes she could put a "caution, handle with care (or in our case handle with prayer) sticker on me so everybody knew to be gentle with me. Like the friend with the neck brace I'm injured too, we all are. We ALL have current battles or past battles that we need others to be mindfull of.
I got to thinking about awareness ribbons. You know the colored ones that signify a cause?
Hmmmmmm looks like historical reference points on these include the black mourning bands worn in Victorian times and yellow ribbons for veterans immortalized by Tony Orlando's song. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7TSq-XvpVaE (In case Little Miss Teen reads this and as usual has NO idea what song I'm referencing.)
For extensive lists of all the colored ribbons and the causes they represent please go to: http://www.craftsnscraps.com/jewelry/ribbons.html and http://www.personalizedcause.com/
Here's some quick ones though:
BLACK: Accidents; Amish, gun control, melanoma, mourning, sleep disorders, anti terrorism and gun control.
BLACK AND BLUE: Loss of a Brother, Mourning a Brother, Loss of a Male Child, Mourning a Son
BLACK AND PINK: Loss of a Female Child, Mourning a Daughter, Loss of a Sister, Mourning a Sister
BLUE
a. Dark blue: alopecia; colon cancer, Huntington's disease, water safety
b. Light blue: pro choice, prostate cancer, spay/neuter pets
c. Periwinkle blue: anorexia, irritable bowel syndrome, stomach cancer
d. Teal blue: anxiety disorder, ovarian cancer, sexual assault
e. Turquoise blue: addiction recovery
BROWN: Anti-tobacco, colon cancer
BURGUNDY: Disabled Adults, Headaches, Hospice Care GREEN: Cerebral palsy; depression; kidney; leukemia; stem cell
GRAY: Asthma, brain cancer, diabetes, mental illness
ORANGE: ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder), kidney cancer, cultural diversity
PINK: Birth parents, breast cancer, nursing mothers
PINK AND BLUE: Baby Safe Haven, Birth Defects,Breast Cancer (Male), Infant Loss, Infertility, Miscarriage, Pregnancy Loss, Premature Birth, SIDS, Stillbirth, Sudden Infant Death Syndrome
PINSTRIPES: ALS (Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis), Lou Gehrig's Disease
PURPLE: Alzheimer's, cystic fibrosis, domestic violence, pancreatic cancer, homelessness
PUZZLE: Asperger Syndrome, Autism
RED: Aids, high blood pressure, lymphoma, MADD, stroke, tuberculosis
WHITE: Adoption, bone cancer, osteoporosis, peace, right to life, scoliosis
YELLOW: Amber alert, bladder cancer, liver cancer, obesity, Troop support, suicide
Of course recently (2010 Golden Globe awards) we've seen the color combination of red, blue and yellow to signify Haitian relief.
Wow! Lots to choose from. If I were to make my own top 5 list denoting the things that I myself have gone through directly the colors across my chest would go: blue and black, burgundy, green, pink and blue and yellow. Then I would have a second row of pinstripes and purple to support friends and family.
I like the idea of a row of ribbons across my chest; they remind me of military medals. (My mom was very fond of asking me if I wanted a medal or a chest to pin it on? when I bragged of something. That kind of ruined it for me.) Colored ribbons would not only remind people in a non verbal way of what I'm dealing with, and to be gentle with me because of that , (like being human isn't reason enough to be gentle?) but medals would also remind them of my survivor ship. They would say "Respect me because (like we need a reason?) I have survived the loss of a child. I have survived suicide, etc, etc." These ribbons/medals, colors whatever ARE something to be proud of, no bragging intended. I wish we could all see the ribbons each other are wearing.
In researching this I also discovered that rubber bracelets (think Lance Armstrong's "Livestrong" campaign) basically denote the same thing. Different colored bracelets meaning different things. Like the hospital bracelet that reminds people that I have a drug allergy and for my own health I need to avoid that med at all costs, my domestic violence bracelet would remind people that someone I love died under those circumstances, and I'd appreciate it, if for my own well being if you would be gentle with what you say to me.
Be gentle with each other. Everybody has their own set of imaginary ribbons begging you to be mindfull of their battles they are going through and to recognize the ones they have won.
So what color ribbons are you wearing today?
:)
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