Yeah I know I said I'd write more about fear today but I'm really feeling compelled to write about faith which is the opposite of fear. Besides, there's really only a couple of poems that I want to share with you about moving past the fear and taking the risk. I'll get to them..............
The other side of fear is faith. Despite my relationship with Christ, I honestly don't have a lot of faith. Sometimes I panic in a crisis and fear the worst. Sometimes I don't and I am very calm. Today I realized I may have more faith than what I think. Yeah it's the church situation again. I refuse to give up and believe that it's truly over. In fact on Saturday I'm going to go to a healing service at the very church that exiled me. Yes I do think that the Pastors are going to poop a brick when they see me but....... And yes I do know that I'm crazy for wanting to go but as usual my craziness got me thinking. I got to thinking about the whole concept of moving on. We prize ourselves on it. It's one of our values. Even the gospels speak about shaking the dust off your feet and moving on if things don't work out however they also talk about standing firm. Forward motion is good. Katrina Onstad in the January issue of Chatelaine says: "Movement-forward, onward, upward - is the guiding principal of the New World. In jobs, real estate and our personal lives, movement is success ands stasis is failure. There's no better balm for "He dumped me" than 'You've moved on.'" I wholeheartedly agree. Off the top of my head I can think of at least 2 dozen country songs that talk about getting over it and moving on. Housing shows with titles like "Property Ladder" indicate that upward motion is the only way. My 20 year high school reunion is this summer. I know that if I go I'll be expected to talk about where I've gone in life. It's not where you've been but where you're going that counts right? Movement is desired but only at a set pace. You don't want to be accused of running away from things and you also don't want to seem too transient. Commitment is a desired trait as well. Boy do we ever send conflicting messages to ourselves.
What if moving on is overrated? What if moving on can be hurtful? At least being forced to move on before you're ready? I know that happens with grief. I was forced to move on after the death of baby Jonathan long before I was ready. The result of not dealing with it in my own time line was that it messed me up for later. It was part of the gunk I dealt with last summer. 10 years ago someone I loved was murdered. It was summer. In January of the next year I cried in public over it and while I'm sure some people were sympathetic what I remember most about that day is the person who asked me why I still wasn't over it. Over it? It's been 10 years and I STILL cry in public! I am STILL not over it. Yeah I know the point is to move on past the pain but sometimes I need to confront the pain in order to heal. Sometimes it's ok to stay where you are until you're ready and you are the only person who knows when the time is right. Your experiences your timeline.
I think of one of my aunts who has lived in the same house for about 40 years. She also worked at the same job from the day she graduated high school until the day she retired. No upward movement there. No bigger and better house. No long resume. Instead she and her family built stability. A house that is full of memories and a strong, strong family. Honestly I envy her. I would trade our gypsy lifestyle in a minute for an address people could write in their books in ink.
And what about the times when moving on isn't the right thing to do at all? What about the times when it's best not to move but to stand? That's where faith comes in right? I believe our church issues will be solved even though there's no shred of evidence to support that right now. But I guess I have faith. I have a friend whose wife left him about a year ago. Last time I looked he was still wearing his wedding ring. That inspires me. He still believes. I think of all the people who have sat by the bedside of a loved one, hours and hours after the doctors have said that there is no hope, or even suggested it's time to stop life support. The people who pray and wait and believe. They sacrifice hours and meals maybe even their own health and jobs. They know that behind their backs others are whispering about them; about their weakness not to let go or that they're in denial. That they need to move on; it's for the best. But still they believe. It's not time to move on yet. They have faith. And then one day the loved one moves, the monitors flicker and a miracle happens. I'm sure that history or even modern society is filled with stories like that that I would love to hear more about. Not just to get me through this current crisis but to build my own faith with.
What about the families of people who are missing or abducted or who just leave by choice? Don't they hold out hope? Don't they refuse to move on? Jaycee Duggard was gone for 18 years, Elizabeth Smart for 9 months. Physically their families moved on but what if they had quit believing? Restoration, reconciliation. It's hard to believe that you're ever going to be reconciled with somebody who has hurt you. It's hard to be the only one in the whole wide world who's believing in something. But as Garth Brooks said: "As long as one heart still holds on then hope is never really gone." Hold on. Stand firm.
Showing posts with label moving on. Show all posts
Showing posts with label moving on. Show all posts
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Friday, January 29, 2010
Dirt: old and new....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y6hz_s2XIAU
Cool video eh? Today's lesson is about gardening; about being re-planted at the end of January.
It would seem that we are being very silently asked to leave a certain institution. No one will have the guts to say it but where we stand is obvious; especially since that's on the outside looking in. I'm trying to grasp that we were at that institution for a season and now it's time to move on. Ecclesiastes speaks of there being a time for everything and a season for every activity. Apparently it IS our time to uproot. Apparently is IS our time to tear down. Apparently it IS our time to throw away. "Apparently" is being used sarcastically here because despite all the indicators to the contrary I'm really not sure that it IS our time to move on. Or maybe I feel (ok, who am I kidding I KNOW) that moving on isn't God's will. So that brings me to my time to mourn. I've read an article that says that mourning in a situation like this IS the appropriate response. That's good because in case you haven't noticed, I've been known to respond INappropriately....
Soooooooooooooo? Apparently we move on. Matthew 10:13-15 says:
13If the home is deserving, let your peace rest on it; if it is not, let your peace return to you. 14If anyone will not welcome you or listen to your words, shake the dust off your feet when you leave that home or town. 15I tell you the truth, it will be more bearable for Sodom and Gomorrah on the day of judgment than for that town.
The same story is told in the gospels of Mark and Luke. My favorite part is the word "town" since in our case said institution is an a town about an hour away.
Not the first time we've been in a religious institution for a relatively short time. We were moved on from the last one about a year and a half ago. Such moving makes us look (and honestly feel sometimes transient.) Interesting to note that we've also moved houses some crazy thing like 7 times in 6 years. It's not that we intend to move on; we usually start at a place with the best intentions of putting down roots. In fact that's what I crave. Growing up I lived in the same house in the same community for ???? years? So did my parents friends. When one of them left the property they had lived on for years even I cried. And I cannot begin to imagine what I will do when a cherished aunt and uncle ever leave their house. For so many reasons I've wanted the stability one house, one job, one church would provide to myself and my children. This gypsy lifestyle kind of catches me off guard.
Yet for some reason we do move. Better job opportunity, lack of a job, better house opportunity. Harmful words. All legitimate reasons.
Reasons to make songs like the theme song for the "Littlest Hobo" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=banXT6azA-4 or this one from the Rankin family: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rvpZPb11uEU or Willie Nelson's cliched "On the road again" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1TD_pSeNelU our theme songs.
Like I said I"m trying reaaaaaaaaaaaaal hard not to see this latest move as rejection or failure. Trying to focus on the idea that rejection may be God's version of re-direction. (Honestly God I didn't know that I needed to be re-directed.) But I do know that "Human beings, like plants, grow in the soil of acceptance, not in the atmosphere of rejection." (John Powell.)
I'm making the choice to see the events of the last 6 weeks as a catalyst. You know, I don't think I've ever used that word before. Actually I'd never have used it at all if I hadn't watched a re-run of Touched by an Angel the other day. (Do you remember that I told you that my Huggyband doesn't do sports? Well he DOES do "Touched by an Angel" repeats every night. Go figure. Anyways.......... according to dictionary.com a "catalyst" is: a person or thing that precipitates an event or change." As in "His imprisonment by the government served as the catalyst that helped transform social unrest into revolution. " Or as in: "being let go from a certain institution was the CATALYST that...................? (Lead to bigger and better things? Honestly I have no idea at this point. I can just hope that it leads to better soil.)
So I guess today was all about dirt. About shaking off the dust and being re-planted in to new soil. And I thought the end of January was the wrong season for gardening.
Cool video eh? Today's lesson is about gardening; about being re-planted at the end of January.
It would seem that we are being very silently asked to leave a certain institution. No one will have the guts to say it but where we stand is obvious; especially since that's on the outside looking in. I'm trying to grasp that we were at that institution for a season and now it's time to move on. Ecclesiastes speaks of there being a time for everything and a season for every activity. Apparently it IS our time to uproot. Apparently is IS our time to tear down. Apparently it IS our time to throw away. "Apparently" is being used sarcastically here because despite all the indicators to the contrary I'm really not sure that it IS our time to move on. Or maybe I feel (ok, who am I kidding I KNOW) that moving on isn't God's will. So that brings me to my time to mourn. I've read an article that says that mourning in a situation like this IS the appropriate response. That's good because in case you haven't noticed, I've been known to respond INappropriately....
Soooooooooooooo? Apparently we move on. Matthew 10:13-15 says:
13If the home is deserving, let your peace rest on it; if it is not, let your peace return to you. 14If anyone will not welcome you or listen to your words, shake the dust off your feet when you leave that home or town. 15I tell you the truth, it will be more bearable for Sodom and Gomorrah on the day of judgment than for that town.
The same story is told in the gospels of Mark and Luke. My favorite part is the word "town" since in our case said institution is an a town about an hour away.
Not the first time we've been in a religious institution for a relatively short time. We were moved on from the last one about a year and a half ago. Such moving makes us look (and honestly feel sometimes transient.) Interesting to note that we've also moved houses some crazy thing like 7 times in 6 years. It's not that we intend to move on; we usually start at a place with the best intentions of putting down roots. In fact that's what I crave. Growing up I lived in the same house in the same community for ???? years? So did my parents friends. When one of them left the property they had lived on for years even I cried. And I cannot begin to imagine what I will do when a cherished aunt and uncle ever leave their house. For so many reasons I've wanted the stability one house, one job, one church would provide to myself and my children. This gypsy lifestyle kind of catches me off guard.
Yet for some reason we do move. Better job opportunity, lack of a job, better house opportunity. Harmful words. All legitimate reasons.
Reasons to make songs like the theme song for the "Littlest Hobo" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=banXT6azA-4 or this one from the Rankin family: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rvpZPb11uEU or Willie Nelson's cliched "On the road again" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1TD_pSeNelU our theme songs.
Like I said I"m trying reaaaaaaaaaaaaal hard not to see this latest move as rejection or failure. Trying to focus on the idea that rejection may be God's version of re-direction. (Honestly God I didn't know that I needed to be re-directed.) But I do know that "Human beings, like plants, grow in the soil of acceptance, not in the atmosphere of rejection." (John Powell.)
I'm making the choice to see the events of the last 6 weeks as a catalyst. You know, I don't think I've ever used that word before. Actually I'd never have used it at all if I hadn't watched a re-run of Touched by an Angel the other day. (Do you remember that I told you that my Huggyband doesn't do sports? Well he DOES do "Touched by an Angel" repeats every night. Go figure. Anyways.......... according to dictionary.com a "catalyst" is: a person or thing that precipitates an event or change." As in "His imprisonment by the government served as the catalyst that helped transform social unrest into revolution. " Or as in: "being let go from a certain institution was the CATALYST that...................? (Lead to bigger and better things? Honestly I have no idea at this point. I can just hope that it leads to better soil.)
So I guess today was all about dirt. About shaking off the dust and being re-planted in to new soil. And I thought the end of January was the wrong season for gardening.
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